It’s a Death Metal Xmas V: It’s a Miserable Life (2007)

The Story

Continued from It’s a Death Metal Xmas IV

Thus begins It’s a Death Metal Xmas V: It’s a Miserable Life. Tim is now somehow a provisional angel in heaven. Santa, now taking his rightful place as Santa Claus, is checking his list the following year, and is depressed by the amount of naughty children. After a botched suicide attempt, Tim is sent down from heaven to show Santa what life would be like if there was no Santa Claus. Tim takes Santa to the North Pole, where there is nothing but a frozen wasteland. Then they go to Maryland, where no one is around because everyone is at midnight mass (since there’s no Santa Claus). Begrudingly, Tim agrees to go to church with Santa. After Santa makes a scene inside the church, they are thrown out into the cold. Tim finally asks Santa if he’s learned anything. Santa points out that Jesus ruins Xmas and the whole Christian myth surround Xmas is all a sham anyway. More importantly, he learns that Xmas without Santa Claus would be “pretty fucking gay,” and decides he wants to live again. Tim is returned back to life and Santa and Tim check the list together.

Continued on It’s a Death Metal Xmas 666